Smile
by Delta Wish
Summary: Slight AU, "The first time that I saw him smile, it scared me silly, but I want to continue to see him smile."


_**Smile  
**_

The first time that I saw him smile, it scared me silly.

He was usually so impassive and inexpressive that I had gotten used to his consistency. Although, I was been able to pick out various moods that he was in. I could tell when he's surprised, or when he's annoyed, when he's puzzled and curious. I believe that maybe he felt washed-down versions of emotions, but they were there none the less.

Despite the many times that he has assured me that he had no emotions.

So, I guess you could say that I was shocked when I saw him give me the first genuine smile (probably his first _ever_). It wasn't a half-assed smirk, or a barely visible grimace. It was there, in plain view. Corners of his mouth upturned, eyebrows slightly raised to give him a not-so-fierce look.

It was creepy as hell, and I freaked out slightly, waving my arms around to emphasize my panic. I half expected us all to die. Him, _smiling! _It was a sign of the apocalypse!

Yet still, I find that now, after he got used to the unfamiliar action and softened it into his own, sweet smile, I've found that I don't want to see him without it.

The first time he smiled … I'll never forget that day. Not for as long as I live. Or maybe longer than that. Through life after life, his small, slightly creepy, nervous and infinitely grateful smile will be forever burned into my mind.

I remember it when it's quiet. Just after exciting events or when I'm cooking in the kitchen, alone. I could never forget it. I would never want to.

Kurosaki-kun, he wonders why I am so attached to that smile. He also wonders why I did what I did that day. The event that lead to his beautiful smile.

I suppose I had been in shock, really. Tatsuki has told me that it's a psychological trauma thing that I've become attached to him. All the time spent in that awful place had messed me up in the head. When Kurosaki-kun was fighting with Grimmjow, the Sexta Espada had taunted him with the knowledge that they had done something to me on the inside.

I don't mind. I'm still me, aren't I? I love all kinds of foods. Yummy foods. My imagination is constantly in gear and I'm always telling people about new ideas that I have. My happy, bright smile is still there and I can laugh and dream of orange haired strawberries. I can still be that same, happy girl.

Although, I guess I've grown up a tad. That smile made sure of it. I feel mature around him, because he doesn't see me as a little girl.

Of course, he probably did at _some_ point. He used to tell me that my hopes and the people who I put my trust in were trash. _Trash! _I never understood that part. It doesn't seem … right, coming from his mouth. I personally believe (and know) that he can be far more poetic and graceful than that. When he calls something 'trash', I immediately think of a lumbering badger with a dunce cap on it's head.

I tried, _so hard_, to show him what he was missing out on. He wondered what the heart that I was speaking of really was. He thought that he could _touch_ it! Something like that could never be tangible.

He knows now, and he can smile because of it. His smiles are also a good thing because, slowly, but surely, he's tipped the scale.

Aizen created the Arrancar by having them rip their masks and seal their powers into their swords. Made them like the Shinigami. Well, Urahara-san ran some tests when we came back from Hueco Mundo.

Weren't we surprised to find that they really _were _part Shinigami! Aizen had implanted Shinigami DNA into them so that they could take on their Arrancar form. And it seemed, that if you could change them to such a drastic extent, that you could show them the part of their soul that they were missing and feed it to them bit by bit, they could slip from a Hollow existence and become Shinigami. Their Hollow powers would morph into their Zanpakto's spirit. The mask would crumble and the hole would close.

One morning, we were all surprised when he randomly took off his shirt. He still was a little unfamiliar with the concept of personal space and normal human customs, but what he was really showing us outweighed our shock and embarrassment.

The hole that had been through his chest, the thing marking him as a hollow (even in a Gigai, it wouldn't disappear), was much smaller than it had been. Around the rim was a band of pink skin, fading into the rest of his overly pale complexion.

It was working. He was slowly, but surely, fading from Aizen's world and joining ours. Of course, if the Sereitei knew about what was going on ... _Ho boy_, what a mess _that_ would be!

And I hugged him around the middle, not minding that he was still half naked and welcomed him into our existence, and he showed me for the second time his sweet smile.

Kurosaki-kun still doesn't trust him, not as long as he has that hole in his chest. I keep telling him that those days are over, and that he is our friend now. Kurosaki-kun still won't believe me, and tells me to be careful around him. I will nod and smile at him like usual, not wanting to push the matter.

It probably stems from the first smile.

The truth was, I had been utterly delirious. For the most part. Kurosaki-kun had … well, _died! _And then it was my fault that he had become a monster and attacked, ripping and slashing until there was nothing left.

Yet when his opponent staggered, unable to move and continue the fight, body slowly starting to disintegrate, instead of running to comfort Kurosaki-kun and thank him for saving my life, I ran to the other, instead.

They had all been shocked. The three of them, watching as I called upon my own powers and rejected his injuries. They watched as his body meshed back together and internal organs reappeared. Ishida-kun looked as though he wanted to object, while Kurosaki-kun simply stared at me with utter shock, the question _'why' _on his lips.

As soon as he was healed, I had rushed forward and embraced the taller man. It was when everything had snapped. Kurosaki-kun stuttered things that I couldn't make out, his surprise mixed with his horror. Ishida-kun shouted at me to run, and told me that I shouldn't have healed him because he was the enemy and that he had tried to kill us all.

"Why did you heal me, woman?" the man in my arms whispered as I held him close, as though if I let him go, he would fall into oblivion.

"Don't you dare die on me, you selfish jerk," I half growled, half cried at him. "You were told to look after me, right?"

"I have been defeated. I have no purpose," he whispered, and it nearly broke my heart to hear those words. They sounded … so _sad_ … it made me want to cry.

"Of course you have a purpose," I had said instead. "I'm telling, no, _ordering _you to stay with me."

I had grown bold, in my time there. I had learned to stand up for myself in a way that I hadn't before. I was learning to be strong. I now realize that even though he had seemed cruel and heartless, he subconsciously was trying to help me gain confidence and grow stronger.

When Melony and Loly had attacked me, and Kurosaki-kun had tried to attack them, he had saved my life. He didn't fight my battle for me, like Kurosaki-kun did, and does, but instead let me flourish. In his head, he was probably using the excuse that 'oh, Aizen-sama has a use for her, we could use her later', but really, he was fascinated by me.

It probably started when I slapped him. After that day, he always treated me slightly different. Only discernable by people who can pick out the subtle changes in his actions and moods.

So, when I ordered him to stay by my side, I had been looking up at his face to see his green eyes widen ever so slightly.

(Oh god, those eyes! There's just something about them that when ever we make eye-contact, we both stand there and stare for several moments. I can't look away, they're like tiny black holes! Except now they are warm, and at the same time sharp and understanding.)

And then he smiled that awkward, gracious smile. I had promptly threw myself off of him and freaked out for the whole world to see (actually, only Ishida-kun and Kurosaki-kun). I'm sure that he was laughing on the inside.

Ulquiorra Schiffer, fourth in Aizen's Arrancar army, the Espada of _emptiness_, had _smiled_ at me. God be damned. I had slapped myself just to make sure that I hadn't gone off the deep end!

So, that was the first time I had seen Ulquiorra smile.

Now a days, I get to see that smile much more often. Kurosaki-kun has regained his powers, I was put back to normal (I can't believe I let that guy get in my head like that!), and Ulquiorra had settled down.

And when I mean 'settled down', I mean he practically invaded my house.

I don't mind. I'm the only person he feels comfortable around, and I have extra room. He's kind and quiet (if a bit overly honest), helps when needed and doesn't get in the way. The others don't trust him around them, but they're more worried about me than anything.

They wonder if I am sane, and I assure them that there is nothing to worry about.

Ulquiorra never uses his Hollow powers anymore. He hasn't needed too. If I need a sparing partner when Sado-kun or Ishida-kun are unavailable, he will only use his hands. He won't even use Sonido anymore.

I think that maybe it's because he somewhat _wants_ to become a Shinigami, and he believes that if he uses any of his powers, it will slow the process down. So, instead, he learns about our world, day by day. Slowly, he's going out to meet new people. Been trying to get over the honest-to-the-point-of-being-rude. Getting more sun (I keep nagging him about it, because he is honestly so pale that it looks sickly).

And, whenever I do something nice for him, or when I come home from work and find that he's done something nice for me, I am rewarded by his smile. A good, honest smile.

I can never get enough of it.

So, the first time I saw him smile may have been a surprise, but I would live that day a thousand times over if it meant I could continue to have him by my side and see those smiles.

The first time he had smiled, I had been scared silly. Even though a shiver of excitement and the foreshadowing of what was to come went down my spine, making me giddy with happiness.

I had been scared, but I want to continue to see him smile.


End file.
